Lawks - what a couple of weeks it has been!
Apologies for being off radar blogwise - I was slowed down by an outbreak of having to do some proper work (I know - ghastly) and - of course - having to devote all my other waking moments to watching a talent show on the telly.
Now of course the dust has settled, the work bit is under control and poor old Susan Boyle has been sent to The Priory. What a difference a fortnight makes.
Well, unless you're an MP of course in which case you're still fiddling about with your expenses rules and hoping you aren't the next one to be caught.
Gordon Brown I understand, has spoken to Simon Cowell (no, I've no idea why either), shown no interest in 200 people lost on a missing aeroplane until he found out some of them were British and still hasn't managed to stop our idiot MPs from spending all our money on birds nests. Or duck ponds. Or bees wax. Or something, I'm not exactly sure what but I do know it isn't helping the economy.
It does make you wonder doesn't it? Sorry young Gordon, but you will not be getting this week's I'm A VG Leader sticker. Calm down David C at the back - you'll get your turn soon enough. Oh - and be careful what you wish for sitting there looking so flipping pleased with yourself. This time next year Sunshine, you'll be wishing you'd taken drugs and gone off to Ibiza like the rest of your classmates.
To be fair it's easy to mock when you haven't had a go yourself, so in a shock move earlier today I made An Insightful Comment on Twitter (a first) and announced that the pound has gone up against the dollar due to improvements in the global economy. Good eh? I was rather pleased with this as an entry into the political arena even though my point was that actually this is all very well but it was only at $1.30 when I was in America at Christmas and now I'm not any more I don't think that's fair.
Sadly no one replied or even raised an eyebrow at this example of gross economic mistreatment and global unfairness-ness.
Anyway, I was undeterred and frankly, rather inspired by the thought of a new Deep and Thoughtful Me so I tweeted again and suggested that based on my new found Economic Interest I run for Prime Minister.
Again, not much (approximately zero) reaction.
Honestly, what's wrong with people? I could be an exemplary MP. I've never fiddled my expenses, haven't the first clue about filling in a claim form and only once stole Tipex from an office and that was to give to my friends who worked in Social Services and couldn't afford any of their own.
Moreover (see - I've got all the lingo), I don't really know much about leadership, would sack Margaret Beckett for that terrible hair and have only the most rudimentary grasp of the international arena. (Ie: Most people seem nice, I like the new bloke in America, I wish people would stop killing each other and, er, that's pretty much it really).
Now I'd call that a jolly good platform. Yes?
Anyway, I'm all for it and may give it a go this week what with all the election things going on on Thursday. It's supposed to be a nice day so my plan is to go and stand outside the voting station, give people lollies and ask them if they'd like to live in a place where people are happy and the hospitals don't all smell of wee.
I think it's a winner. I'm going to make Simon Cowell Chancellor, Stephen Fry Speaker and Sir Joanna Lumley in charge of everything else. Meanwhile I'll wear the nice shoes I've just got off eBay, travel around the world making friends with everybody and send all the greedy bankers to work down the salt mines. Just because I can.
Come on - surely you're with me?
Haven't got a running slogan yet but will be working on it pronto. Early suggestion of "Henrietta Bird's Giving Out Free Crisps If You Vote For Her" has been vetoed on account of so far I've got £4.90 in the campaign kitty and you can only get three tubes of Pringles for that so I'm on a bit of a budget.
'Budget'? Look at me I've already gone fiscal!
Anyway, vote for me. Seriously. I'm a better bet than that Esther Rantzen and I won't go doing anything funny with a carrot either.