Beethoven Lives (Part 1)

I know: ahhhhhh.

Now, I hope a bit of dog blogging (which we'd better not shorten to 'dogging') isn't going to bore you (do post a comment if it does), but the the first thing I should say is that the one on the left GREW.

Rather A LOT.

Who'd have known? One minute he's the size of a box of Kleenex (and conveniently, just as absorbant), the next, people are grabbing their children and asking me why Fatima Whitbread is wearing a puppy suit?

It's fair to say Alfred Is Large.

Which means that as the admittedly clueless owner of such enormousness, I've started some training.

To be fair, I have been doing my my best. These days it's rare you'll see me leave the house without a large bag of sausage and a variety of whistles. Sometimes I even have the dog with me as well.

(Boom boom.)

(Sorry).

But now I've called in the professionals. (Ed: This is an excuse to talk about Bodie again isn't it? ). (Me: Bum, I've been rumbled). Anyway, a very nice lady is helping. Or more truthfully, a very nice lady is getting the dog to be obedient while I stand there eating the sausage. (I might as well, they'll only go off).

Then I have a go and it's not always as impressive.

So far it's been a rollercoaster. Just like with children, apparently you're supposed to Pro-Actively Ignore bad behaviour. Which usually results in the following:

Trainer (calmly): 'Just ignore him.'
Me (hysterically): 'But he's eating a really big tree.'
Trainer (even more calmly): 'Don't worry it's probably OK.'
Me (about to faint): 'What do you mean probably?'
Dog (slightly worried): 'I think I need to go to the toilet.'

On the other hand, if I manage to get him to do something right we do Positive Something Or Another.

Trainer (looking amazed): 'Blimey. Quick - praise him.'
Me (being British): 'Good effort old sport.'
Trainer (shrieking): 'PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM.'
Me (not realising trainer is religious): 'Oh. Right. Er...thank you God?'
Dog (depressed): 'Why did I get the one that's an idiot?'

Oh dear.

I'll let you know if it gets better. Meanwhile, if you need any heavy digging done...Alfred has very cheap rates.

PS: Our trainer is actually fab. And Very. Very. Patient!